Angel in the House

    I’m relatively well read, and that feels great – more than great, it feels significant. I sit in these classes here at Stellenbosch, and I’ve read these novels before that these students are just encountering; I’ve read and studied the words of those authors just quoted in class. In English 318 our professor read part of Virginia Woolfs, “A Room of One’s Own.” She briefly explained its significance to the world of literature and to the feminist literary canon. Pieces of what she read I could still see highlighted in my book 8000 miles away; I could still feel the excitement and empowerment that filled me when I first read it. Several of the quotes from that Woolf piece even decorate my own facebook quote board.

     I’ve been caught in a limbo between wanting graduate school and the real world, excited at both, anxious for the latter. I’ve needed some concrete proof that my many years of education, my hundreds of hours spent reading and writing, my countless hours of fretting over money and working to pay it all, mean something, that they will transform into a career path, a life of fulfillment and joy (and money). Understanding this morning, in that one brief moment, that I am competent and well-read, able to keep up with professors even outside the prescribed texts, when I’m still just a student myself, provided me with that ounce of proof and encouragement I’ve been needing and searching for. 

    I like the feeling of knowing literature, of understanding my legacy as a woman in the tradition of writing/rhetoric, or arguing meaning and symbolic understanding with the most intelligent around me. I love to write, too, and I want to be a part, a contributor to the world of the rhetoric of women writers, but in order for me to contribute as fully and intelligently as I potentially can, and in order to use my writing to really make a difference in our world, I need more of this education. 

    The real world really will always be there. And, at the end of the day, I want that PhD in my hands. I want the confidence (and paycheck) I hope it brings. So while my friends are finding their footing in new cities, with new apartments, and cute new bathroom rugs, I’m going to swallow that envy and remember that for me, right now, at this place in my life, I want more of what I’m doing — I love the education, and one day, probably all too soon, I too will pick a new city, with a new job, a new bathroom, and of course, new bathroom rugs. 

Published in: on February 27, 2008 at 9:19 pm  Leave a Comment  

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