I feel positive today, unconcerned and carefree. The thought crossed my mind earlier that we’re play acting, playing house like kids do, acting out the imagined version of what a life together should look like. Immediately, I followed it with the thought, “But it has been six years since I’ve been in a relationship.” I stopped myself with that thought, stopped the onslaught freak out and gave myself a little wiggle room, because it has been five years since I’ve committed to someone. And six years ago, I was 20 and in a different place in life with a different philosophy, trying to be in a relationship that would never work.
This time is different, and I have more life behind me, and it’s destined to feel a little strange, like riding a bike when you haven’t done it for years – maybe you haven’t forgotten, but surely you’re going to teeter with balance and nerves for the first little while. It’s the first time I’ve been in one of those grown up relationships we all play acted when we were little; there’s some joy and excitement in actually doing the things I always thought I might.
I’m looking forward to grilling tonight with Ellie and Andy and Zander – our first double date and first spring evening spent outdoors.